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Officer, I Was Robbed!

April 20, 2008 6:40 pm

View all posts in Dumb Criminals

A man set up a deal with two women to sell some heroin. While the transaction was going down, a third person robbed the man of $340. So what does he do? According to Associated Press the man called the police and reported the robbery. Of course now he’s been charged with criminal possession and criminal sale of a controlled substance.

Somehow I don’t imagine that even if he recoups his $340 it will offset the court costs, lawyer fees and any lost wages from time spent in prison. I wouldn’t suggest trying to this off as a business loss, either.

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Posted by TrixiePosted by Trixie

Filed under: Dumb Criminals

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Subterfuge Wasn’t his Middle Name.

April 20, 2008 6:40 pm

View all posts in Dumb Criminals

He plotted his revenge in his diary for a year. He made an audio tape to be played after the bombing and his death. He collected supplies and nobody was the wiser. Then he made the mistake of having 10lbs of ammonium nitrate FedExed to his house . Because, as AP reports, his mom and dad intercepted the package. Needless to say they wondered what their kid would want with such a thing, began investigating and that was the end of his dastardly plan.

Apparently the lad never heard of a P.O. Box.

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Posted by TrixiePosted by Trixie

Filed under: Dumb Criminals

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Post Office Drops $13,500 on Steak Dinners.

April 13, 2008 1:54 pm

View all posts in Conspicuous Consumption

The Orlando, FL, Post Office is under fire for a $13,500 tab at a local steak house. Political Gateway reports that Postal Service officials are claiming the dinners, which included $3,000 in alcoholic beverages and 81 entrees, were a means of wooing business clients.

So that explains the ever-rising cost of postage stamps.

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Posted by TrixiePosted by Trixie

Filed under: Conspicuous Consumption

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100 Camp Overnight for Chicken.

April 13, 2008 1:47 pm

View all posts in Amazing Things

They put up their tents and stayed out overnight for, of all things, fast food chicken. It was the grand-opening of the Chick-fil-A in Chesapeake, VA, and they wanted to be the first in line for the goods. According to Political Gateway many of the people in the makeshift tent-town were veterans of Chick-fil-A openings. “The next one is in Roanoke,” one woman said of the couple’s future plans.

Should we call the veterans Chick-heads then?

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Posted by TrixiePosted by Trixie

Filed under: Amazing Things

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Now That’s A Trip To Remember.

April 13, 2008 1:37 pm

View all posts in Kids Today

Class field trips are a common enough occurrence, except when they’re to the local brothel. wcbstv.com reports that about a dozen students from Randolph College toured the Chicken Ranch, a legal bordello about 60 miles outside of Las Vegas. “I think it’s fascinating, this is fun for me,” stated one student. “Not many people get to do this.”

I wonder what they’ll do for next semester’s trip. It will be hard to top a bordello in terms of excitement.

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Posted by TrixiePosted by Trixie

Filed under: Kids Today

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Man Gets Away With Bank Robbery Until He Decides to Scam Light Rail.

April 11, 2008 3:01 pm

View all posts in Dumb Criminals

A man was recently arrested in MD for failure to buy a $1.60 ticket for the Light Rail train he was riding on. Once he was under arrest the police officer decided to do a search for outstanding warrants and discovered the man was wanted for robbing a bank in NC. wjz.com reports that the police have turned the 58-year-old suspect over to U.S. Marshalls.

D’oh! If you’re trying to stay under the radar for a big crime, you don’t do stupid things like refuse to by a $1.60 ticket for a train ride.

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Posted by TrixiePosted by Trixie

Filed under: Dumb Criminals

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Crayola Renames 8 Crayon Colors.

April 9, 2008 6:39 pm

View all posts in Kids Today

Using the results of an online poll in which more than 20,000 children participated Crayola has renamed 8 of its crayons, though the new names have little or nothing to do with the colors they’re applied to. Per themorningcall.com these changes are being implemented “to appeal to a new generation of children”. Here’s the list of old names followed by their replacements: laser lemon/super happy; wild tangerine/fun in the sun; screamin’ green/giving tree; beaver/bear hug; turquoise blue/happy ever after; hot magenta/famous; orchid/best friends; watermelon/awesome.

Trixie wants to know what this new generation of children has been sniffing. Back in her day crayon colors sounded like….colors.

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Posted by TrixiePosted by Trixie

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Zoos Cash in on Animal Artists.

April 9, 2008 4:24 pm

View all posts in Animals All

The hottest trend across the nation is artwork created by zoo animals. AOLNews.com reports that various zoos are raising funds by selling various works created by the animals they keep in their gift shops. An Orangutan named Towan, at the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle, creates pieces that bring in as much as $1,300 a pair according to reports. But his caregivers must be careful when approaching him for masterpieces. “If you try to get him to do it two days in a row, he won’t pick it up on the second day,” said zoo spokeswoman Gigi Allianic. “You can’t make it routine for the animal or they lose interest.”

That’s typical. First they become artists, then they get attitudes.

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Posted by TrixiePosted by Trixie

Filed under: Animals All

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Drunk Drives Self to Police Station.

April 9, 2008 4:11 pm

View all posts in Dumb Criminals

A Newport, Oregon, woman arrived at the police station she cleans for a living. The problem was that she had driven there well under the influence, with her 12-year-old son in the car no less. According to AOL News the woman had a 0.19% blood-alcohol content according to a subsequent test–more than double the state’s legal limit.

This would have been a good time for her to call in sick, rather than drive herself to her own arrest. Then again being utterly plastered tends to impair one’s judgment…

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Posted by TrixiePosted by Trixie

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Turkeys in the News

April 9, 2008 9:11 am

View all posts in Animals All

The turkey— er, eagle-eyed Elyria, Ohio, Chronicle-Telegram brings us breaking news of a wild turkey found dead in this teeming Midwestern municipality.

The bird, “possibly the one that was seen gallivanting around the city Monday,” was discovered by alert resident Debbie Putzier “right smack dab in the middle” of her lawn this morning.

The astute Putzier — who expressed regret that she had been unable to see the gobbling gadabout “upright instead of flat” — provided a detailed description of the suspect, concluding that: “It had to have been a 25-pound Butterball.”

Butterball Turkey, LLC could not confirm or deny the escape of any errant premium poultry products from its headquarters in El Paso, Texas.

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Posted by FlashPosted by Flash

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